I often say that someone, or something, is living ‘rent-free’ in my head.
I rarely (if ever) use it to mean something positive. Quite the opposite.
When I use that phrase I’m always making reference to something that is troubling me – plaguing me even. For me, it’s often some imaginary human who represents judgement, self-criticism and general not-enough-ness.
When my kids were small it was always some imaginary judgey mum in the comments section passing judgement on some flawed way I was responding to my kids needs. These days it has shape shifted into an imaginary commentator who finds my choice to live outside of hustle culture lacking and insubstantial.
We all have them.
They’re often mean and weirdly specific in their judgements.
But as a coach, and someone who has a coach of her own, I have come to discover that it’s possible for someone to live rent-free in your head in a good way.
And by this I’m referring to the way in which we carry our supportive coach/therapist/mentor with us psychologically between sessions.
Because if we’ve had a sufficiently impactful conversation with them, where we’ve felt seen and heard and understood – where we’ve had them lovingly push back on our self-limiting inner narratives, where they’ve reframed our self-recriminations, and helped us make sense of our inner demons - then that person can start to live rent-free in our head on the daily.
That person can be carried with us, like an inner talisman everywhere we go – especially when we go into situations that stretch and unsettle us. We start to imagine their voice, or their response to the situations we find ourselves in. Their outer voice starts to merge with our inner one – perhaps we even start to engage in imaginary conversations with them about what’s going on.
We might notice ourselves wanting to share small moments of growth or progress with them – or moments when we have fallen hard on our metaphorical butt and got back on our feet slightly embarrassed, but also reassured that they would smile encouragingly and stay curious about what this was teaching you about yourself.
When I was training as a coach I remember them saying that what happens between sessions can be as (if not more) powerful for the client that what happens during them.
When you work with a coach, you’re inviting someone else to live lovingly, cheerfully, curiously and absolutely rent-free in your head.
Photo by Radu Florin at Unsplash