Midlife has had me thinking about the notion of being an ‘elder’.
I don’t feel like I want to be an elder per se. It’s just one of those things that simply comes with the territory of doing something for long enough and showing up for life day after day.
You can’t help but accrue some insight – especially if you’re paying attention. Especially if you’re working hard at paying attention and remain curious about the world, the job you’re doing, or the sector you’re a part of.
Then – simply by showing up repeatedly, you can’t help but compound-interest some wisdom.
If what you do, or how you live, deeply interests you, and makes you want to know or learn more, and you do that for a lot of days, weeks and years - then guess what? - you enter the world of ‘elder status’.
You don’t receive an invite or a notification. You just start noticing a subtle shift in the way you relate to others, and they relate to you.
It seems to be a natural consequence of living life with your eyes wide open. A life only as remarkable as the next human’s life. But a life to which you pay close attention. A life that you attend to and work at.
For me it can look like being in the company of a parent with younger kids, being with someone new to coaching or social work – or even someone with one (as opposed to my own two) decades in my profession.
I am no better or worse. I’ve just been here a little longer, and I’ve been paying attention.
Much like the 10-year-old who might have seen a bit more of the world than a 4-year-old sibling or playmate.
It’s not hierarchical.
It just is.
It’s a consequence of a set of circumstances that are largely (but not exclusively) beyond our control.
And, for me, an elder is not about teaching. I am the last person to sit someone down on my figurative knee and start lecturing. I may have many flaws as a parent (I know 3 teenagers who would happily provide some constructive feedback) but a lecturer I am not.
I’m under no illusion that I am any more ‘right’ than the next human. I have been humbled enough times to know, with some certainty, that what appears to me to be the ‘right’ turn of events, may ultimately turn out not to be. And conversely, the thing that seemed so very ‘wrong’ at the time has often turned out to be the prelude to something unimaginably wonderful.
I have lived both those realities and continue to do so.
I have lived through enough apparent ‘disasters’ that have revealed strengths in me I didn’t know existed, and seen enough externally impressive situations evolve into something far less so.
And I’ve only accrued these insights by living enough life.
By showing up for my life day by day, battling through the storms, and celebrating the wins (if they are indeed wins?!) and simply paying attention.
Throw in some learning, processing, coaching, parenting and social work-ing, and there are the ingredients that seem to make me into my own unique version of an elder.
And I’m not special in this respect.
I see it every day in my coaching clients – even those at the start of their adult lives.
When I provide a space for them to process, reflect and learn from the life they have lived so far – they can (and do) easily step into their own inner ‘elder’ status.
Coaching shows me day after day that we are all filled to the brim with insight and wisdom when we are encouraged to stand in our own light.
We become elders, we become leaders, we become mentors.
Not because of a job title, but because of who we are.
It can be a surprising discovery, but it’s always a beautiful one.