Today I’m all about toolboxes.
We need them.
The physical kind and the emotional/spiritual/psychological kind.
I’m only averagely useful with the physical kind, but years of coaching has made me way more aware of how essential it is that we all always carry a metaphysical one around with us.
Because life, in all its unpredictable and uncontrollable glory, will (and can) require us to reach into that toolbox on the regular – and usually when we’re not expecting to need it.
Don’t get me wrong, there are absolutely some situations where you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re going to need that toolbox – that you’ll need to have it clutched in your arms, like a comfort blanket or a suit of armour depending on the situation. I’m thinking a hard conversation with a colleague or a loved one, setting a boundary with a recalcitrant teenager – that kind of thing. Tools are essential in these scenarios – before, during and after. And you may well need a good number of them to complete the job in a way that feels manageable.
And then there are those situations that catch you off guard – perhaps someone drops some kind of super-triggering bombshell you didn’t see coming – something a bystander would think was totally innocuous, but it knocks you for six. Perhaps it’s a more obviously dramatic event – an accident, a sudden health event.
And for these moments it is more essential than ever to have that toolbox at the ready. At the very least it needs to be somewhere you can grab it easily.
And I don’t know about you, but when these kinds of moments hit, they can throw me so far off balance I forget there was ever a tool kit in the first place.
However, if you’re someone who occasionally gets their tools out for a polish and a bit of an oiling during the calmer times, maybe on a daily basis – you’re going to be that much more likely to come-to and remember - ah! the tool box! It’s right there on the (psychological) shelf.
You can grab it, and even if you simply stare at its contents for a while not knowing which one to grab and use – it can provide its own special kind of reassurance just knowing that it’s there.
That tools are available.
That other people also need tools when the shit hits the fan.
That you’re highly unlikely to be the first or only person going through what you’re going through – however hideous.
And that might just soften your psyche enough to reach out and pick one of them up…dust it off if you need to, and see how it can help. See if it can offer some relief.
And if it doesn’t – pop it aside. Reach in for the next one.
Keep reaching and eventually, gradually, you’ll find the right tool for this particular job.