When change comes uninvited, in a deeply unwelcome form, we are forced into growth that we were neither ready for or wanted.
These moments are moments of crisis.
Sometimes the crisis is in the external realm, but it is always a crisis on the inside.
These moments can feel like a bomb going off in our psyche – they can disrupt what we thought was true about ourselves, our worlds and our relationships. They disrupt in a way that can leave us impotently shaking our fist at the universe, angrily yelling ‘WHY???’ at someone or something.
In my own life when these moments hit, I often inhabit a real ‘for-fuck’s-sake’ mentality. My own personal default mode is indignant frustration, quickly followed by some self-recrimination (imagining that if only I had been more perfect I would have somehow seen this coming and headed it off at the pass) even when it’s to do with someone else’s choices or behaviour.
I never said any of this made sense.
If I’ve learnt anything from years of coaching and personal development work, it’s that the inside of my head (and often the heads of my coaching clients) don’t make a lot of sense once they’re held up to the light and scrutinised a bit.
Once we spend a bit of time peering at our thought processes with another person, or by writing down our thoughts, they inevitably change shape.
They lose some muscle tone.
They cease to be quite as compelling as they were in the privacy and darkness of our own minds.
I digress.
Uninvited change can feel like someone coming and grabbing our arms and legs and swinging them around without our consent. It can feel like we’re being forced to engage in exercise and growth against our will.
And just as we would if someone came and grabbed our arms and legs and forced them to move, we resist.
We do not willingly participate in this startling development.
We tense up our muscles.
We yell at the (imaginary) person manhandling our limbs to get the hell off us.
We try and push them away from us, and escape.
Which in the case of uninvited change can ultimately turn out to be pointless.
Because the thing has happened.
And once we are done resisting and yelling and tensing and pushing it away – it will still have happened.
And all that bloody personal growth will still be waiting patiently to happen whether we want it to or not.